The same day an entire nation wore pink to encourage kindness and stand up to bullying Ashlee Rhodes took her two and a half year old and seven month old twins to the drop-in at her local gymnasium. She could not have known how different her experience would be compared to her previous visits.
Sawyer, her non-verbal toddler with autism had found a peaceful place within the Kanata GymnoSphere in Ottawa Ontario, Canada. A space where he wanted to be instead of a place he wanted to leave-much like most places. With plenty of different equipment for children to play, it’s not uncommon for a young boy to make use of it all and to be running between structures. If you’re a parent then you know it’s also not uncommon to lose track of a child in an environment such as this. Even in the rare instance that it’s never happened to you personally, you watch your child so closely and with such intent because you know not doing so can result in them bolting. You know how quickly things can go sideways.
In a situation such as a gymnastics drop-in, you watch your little one visit each play area, structure and piece of equipment with the precision and speed of a professional table tennis match. There is also a world going on around you. There are other patrons, one could drop something in front of you – so you speak up and bring it to their attention. There could be a screaming child, it’s not yours but you’ll still look over to make sure they are looked after. You yourself might even dive into your bag hunting down a piece of gum when you burp and suddenly recall the garlic aioli that was drizzled on your pizza at lunch. You can easily be that mama or papa bear with your eyes peeled on your cub who averts those eyes for the same amount of seconds it can take to lose track of them.
That’s what happened to Ashlee when she looked away to attend to her infant. In the time it took her to scan all the structures and not see her boy, little Sawyer was well on his way past the facility’s owner, the staffed front desk and several parents. He had headed out of the building. This is not the first time a child managed to escape this establishment. The daughter of my friend Rebecca managed to slip by the front desk personnel, as well as the owner, and through the door of the building while Rebecca briefly spoke to her daughters coach. Thankfully she, as well as Sawyer, were found safely.
In Ashlee’s case, you would think the logical next step would be to rejoice in his wellbeing. A couple high fives or pats on the back between Ashlee, the staff and parents that helped locate Sawyer. Add some hugs for the frantic mom of course. But no, quite the opposite happened.
According to Ashlee, she and her children were asked by the owner of the gymnasium to leave the premises. Ashlee was not welcome there because she was irresponsible. She was irresponsible because she had not only brought her “autistic” child to the drop-in but also had her infant twins in tow. After being treated so poorly Ashlee requested a refund that was not only denied but was also turned around on her as though she was putting a $5 value on her sons safety.
As with most stories, there’s always two sides. You can read Ashlee’s side (Pic.1) as well as her review of the business’ Facebook page (Pic.2a &2b) and it will break your heart without even seeing the other side of the story. In this case though, you do get a glimpse of the other side. You get to see a screen grab of their reply (Pic.3) to Ashlee’s review as well as a statement from the owner (Pic.4). These might turn your heart break into utter rage.
Here is GymnoSphere’s reply to Ashlee’s review that was later deleted by them:
“We feel responsible to inform child services of your actions for the safety of your unattended children. Even more so that one of your children is autistic which I was unaware of. You may explain to them in your own words what happened. We may provide supporting documentation such as recorded footage, witness statements and any other needed documentation. Truly, the centre of your attention should be the safety of your children, especially if one children [sic] tends to wander off. You need to have the appropriate supervision arrangements for your three children. Today when your older child ran away was not the first time and in multiple instances coaches had been requested to locate him, in the past. Also you left your two babies unattended. These are extremely safety concerning circumstances.”
This reply was immediately called out for what it was, exclusion and mom-shaming. And, let’s not forget, the threat of contacting child services. A service designed to keep our children safe. A service best suited to not utilizing valuable resources on a disgruntled business owner in retaliation to a bad review. This reply was met with reminders of the rights of those with disabilities, advice to Ashlee with regards to contacting media outlets, boycotting GymnoSphere and raising questions about the lack of integrity, compassion and humanity of the business owner herself. The immediate comments on this reply were subsequently deleted by GymnoSphere until eventually they deleted their reply altogether.
The take-away from GymnoShpere’s reply to Ashlee was, in itself, a glimpse into the other side of the story. Although Kanata GymnoShpere declined comment, a statement on the company’s Facebook page further confirmed the views of the owner while she made no apology for her actions. Without actually admitting any wrongdoing, they have informed the public that they are ashamed of their behaviour by deleting their reply to Ashlee’s review. The statement posted hours later contradicts their deleted reply – the reply stated there had been “multiple instances” where Ashlee lost track of Sawyer yet, the statement classifies the incident as “uncharacteristic”. They have also deleted comments on their page made by the public. Aside from the obvious infringement on freedom of speech, this all seems like admission of guilt in the throes of a PR nightmare.
The internet has since rallied behind Ashlee with over two thousand shares of her post (a review on the facility’s Facebook page) and hundreds of thousands of supporting comments. The mama hive is pissed off. The general consensus is that Ashlee was quite unnecessarily mom-shamed. Not only for losing track of her child; something that can happen so easily, but for bringing her autistic child to play. Most agree that the situation, the outcome and the fall out has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Sawyer is on the spectrum. There is an air of exclusion here and it is not okay. There remains people in this world, in position of great importance to society, that are not educated. Making these situations public will bring about awareness and hopefully change.
This recent publicity is going to be hard to come back from. There has definitely been irreparable damage done and it may affect GymnoShpere’s business and membership. In the end, that’s not what is important. The damage to the Rhodes family is of much greater importance and consequence. With the outpouring of support for Ashlee she has to know that she is a great mother who cares for her children with the very best intentions and she loves them in that gigantic way we all can’t put into words. This doesn’t change the fact that for a brief moment she was made to feel the opposite. She was made to question herself. Not only is this unjust and unfair, it cannot be undone. As the support continues to flood in she can be reminded of the giant herd of moms and dads standing behind her. She will know that she is not alone, losing sight of a child can happen to anyone and it does all the time. More importantly, she knows that this giant herd is not on board with how she was treated and they will not stand for it. As for Sawyer, any parent of a child with sensory processing issues related to autism or otherwise, knows it isn’t easy to find a public happy place for their little one. This is a tremendous loss to Sawyer, a boy who has every right to be included in every activity he so desires. What a heart wrenching shame it is that adversity and exclusion has touched this boys life at such a young age. One can only hope the Rhodes will find a new place that brings joy to Sawyer the way his gymnastics drop-in had.
Just a few weeks back, in a nearby town, a patron with a service dog was asked to leave an establishment because she had “no visible disability”. I have personally had an acquaintance complain about special needs children in the classroom with her typical child because they will somehow be taking away from her daughters education. This mentality it so wrong on so many levels. It needs an end to it; and fast. Far too many undeserving people are having their livelihood unfairly and negatively impacted. If you’re running a business that is utilized by the public, young and old, make it a good place to be for everyone. Simple and easy. By spotlighting stories such as Ashlee’s we all can do our part in promoting inclusion over exclusion. We can educate the uneducated on the importance, fairness and benefits that inclusion of all people with any special need entails.
Ashlee said it best when she reviewed Kanata GymnoShpere: “Just because he’s different does not mean he’s less”.
Update ***
Kanata GymnoShpere has issued another statement (Pic.5). Some see it as an apology and accept it graciously. Most find it an admission of wrongdoing and regret without apologies made. A sort of “lets agree to disagree”. The future of this business will ultimately reveal if there was a lesson learned from this unfortunate event.
Here’s how the incident unfolded on Facebook:
Stay (at home) Calm 